Life sucks

Sometimes I dreaded going home because of the things I have to face.

lost after transitions

Its a scary thing to have lost the will to live isn't it. To have lost the will to carry on doing things that matters, things that count. To have been defeated by life's circumstances and by those we care - because they don't care back in return. To always pour out and never having anything pour back in. To see the sun set on everything we hold close to and being able to do nothing to stop it. Being too blinded to see the obvious and too passive to do anything about it.

I have decided to stop. Coz the last straw has been drawn. The towel has been thrown in. All that is left of the candle is just a stump, a puddle of dried wax - unable to be of anymore use. Like water being poured out into the drain - the passion has drained. If only they were used to properly water the plants .. if only ...

Like a rechargeable battery that has been drained, I need to be properly recharged. And it won't help if I'm still being use while being charged. I will never be full again. Like a burned out candle, all that remains of my passion is a puddle of unsightful wax.

BB Week - 2010

Its the time of the year where I am asking for donations from my friends for Boys Brigade. This blog post will be an accountability for the amounts I have received from my friends.

(As of March 28 - $365)

$2:
1) LLL - $2
2) Aini - $2
3) Carine T - $2

$4:
3) Jeric - $4

$5:
01) Shirley - $5
02) Nancy L - $5
03) Adeline G - $5
04) Shakina - $5
05) Sheela - $5
06) Zhou Qi - $5

07) CT - $5

$10:
01) Ronald - $10
02) OTH - $10
03) Dennis - $10
04) Peter G - $10
05) Simon S - $10
06) Thomas Y - $10
07) Mrs T Y - $10
08) Daniel Q - $10
09) Michael O - $10
10) Lala - $10
11) Zurong - $10
12) William N - $10
13) Jerome - $10
14) Kim Leong - $10
15) Kendrel C - $10
16) Alfian - $10

$20:
01) Mae - $20
02) Dylan T - $20

03) Aaron Liew - $20

$100
01) Clarence Lim RQ - $100

Those Happy Times

Haix. All of a sudden, in the middle of the night ... I missed my old colleagues. Looking thru the photos in my phone brings back such happy and fun memories.

Alone ...

"All By Myself"

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
Oh
Don't wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don't wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

生命。

On my way to Redhill today, this thought came to my mind. Life is really like a Humongous Flow Chart with one ending. The ending is this - We will all stand before God.

And on my way to Jurong, this came to mind - Changes are really like pebbles being thrown into a body of water. And people are so concerned about the ripples it brings, they failed to notice the calmness that returns and the slight increase in volume.

New Beginnings

New beginnings are easier said than done. Resolutions are easier to pin down den to work at it. The way things are now, I think I will be more ready to take care of children in primary school and then transit them out of my care. I really have this terrible feeling of losing God's people once they are in my hands. I guess from here on, the slippery road starts.

First Post Of 2010

This is my first post of the year and I aim to do it more frequently. 2009 has been sort of a terrible year in my life. Where debtors came knocking on my door every so often. Where I lived with the thought of just giving up on everything. 2009 also has been gaining more weight despite attempts to loose them. 2009 also has me screaming and blowing my top ever so often with boys and family members who are dear to me. One thing I have learn is that I need to be less, if not stop procastinating. And also to be a better judge and controller of my finances. Life would have been so different ...

This year I've thought about my own resolutions.

1) To be financially stable and free (by june latest)

2) To loose weight (@ least 1-2KG / month)

3) To be proficient in my new job (by march)

4) To pay bills on time (by march)

5) To get hitched (before the bees around me buzz me to .. .. ....)

I really pray that this year my spiritual life with God gets stronger and that I have truly learnt from my past lessons. Life sucked ... but it doesn't mean I cannot influence it to be better. GOD BLESS MEEEEE ... :P